Not feeling it
I don’t want to exercise today. It’s cold, my neck hurts, I don’t get to eat until 6:00 pm, and I’m being really whiny in my head this morning.
While sitting hear arguing with myself about it, I’m having a little fun imaging how whoever is reading this is responding.
Here are some of my guesses:
“I totally get that, you’ve got this!”
“Loser! Get off your ass and train you weeny! Gaahhh!”
“Why the hell would you want to exercise?”
“Just take a day off. Don’t you exercise pretty regularly?”
“Just realized this isn’t an angry political post..scrolling on.”
“Why isn’t there a cute animal picture?
“Who cares, I’ve got bigger problems to worry about.”
Was I close? Anyway, back to my current exercise crisis.
You see, back on January 1st, 2019, I was feeling like crap physically. My immune system sucked, my energy sucked, and my brain felt like mush most of the time. I’ve always been active for the most part, but have you ever noticed that you can wake up one day and realize that it’s been a few months/years since you actually took good care of yourself?
You know what I mean? It’s like somehow all the other outside things just pile on and you keep emptying your tank dealing with it all. You forget to replenish your own supply of energy by taking care of yourself. Really, you’re just too tired to even consider it. And if someone, in the most caring and well intentioned way, tells you “To remember to put your own oxygen mask on first”, you want to punch them in the throat.
Anyway, I decided to exercise every day for at least 30 minutes for the month of January 2019. Yay, new year’s resolutions! And I did. It kind of sucked, but I used my Apple Watch’s fitness tracker as an in-your-face accountability tool that guilted me into sticking with it.
When February 1st rolled around, I decided to keep going. Why not? It became kind of a one month at a time thing. Have you ever noticed how when you make a commitment to do something that’s good for you, you end up having all kinds of weird debates in your head?
It’s like those old cartoons with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other trying to convince you to “Stop! No, keep going! This is stupid! No, this is good for you!”...will you just shut up already!
I vividly remember being sick in March, with a fever, riding my indoor trainer to close that stupid ring on the stupid watch and thinking, “You need help. You’ve finally lost your mind.”
Somehow, 2019 came to an end and I had’t missed a day. This was quite shocking, as 2019 for me was a pretty good warmup lap for what 2020 had in store for all of us. It was a difficult year, and I wonder now how much worse it would have been if I hadn’t been stubbornly closing that ring every day. So I figured “Why not? I’ll keep going...2020 is going to be so much better.”
*Flash image of the universe letting go of a giant planet sized anvil and saying “Heh”.
And here I am, 730 days later. It isn’t any easier, but I’ve closed that obnoxious ring every day in 2020 too. It feels kind of like splashing water on your face in the middle of a monsoon, but it’s something I have control over. I have a little momentum now. And it’s been really, really good for me.
My dream for you today is that you do something that is good for you. That you make a small commitment with potential to grow. That you choose something that would not only help you, it would ripple out and benefit those who are around you.
You should do that. It would be good for you, and good for us. May you find a way to track it, so that you have a helpful ally to keep you going when your resolve waivers.
May you build your wellness one brick at a time, one day at a time, until you’ve created an unshakeable foundation upon which you can stand. Take care of yourself a little each day, until your strength and vitality spills out onto the rest of us.
Close your ”ring”. One day at a time :)
Ok, I think I’ll go work out now.